bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
