i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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