Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
