24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
