Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
