No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
