I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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