Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
