Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
