why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
