i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
