we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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