Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
