just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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