They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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