yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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