Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
