I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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