What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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