upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
someone owes me an orgasm
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
