My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
