now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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