I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
