why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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