My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
