By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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