dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
