Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
