The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
