I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
