u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
