If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
