I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
