If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
