my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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