where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
