As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
