Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have already put on my inside pants.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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