Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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