Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
