no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
