Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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