it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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