Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
