I want to make a zoo with you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
