I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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