I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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