maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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