So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
