no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
