Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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