why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
